Love is blind.

Love, protection and unconditional acceptance, three things a girl longs for in a relationship.   I for one am a sucker for love and although I’ve been hurt to many times, I still trust so quickly, love to passionately and give without thinking.

I met this guy, Raymond, and I fell in love the first time I laid my eyes on him.  As our relationship progressed I learned quite a lot about Raymond, things the outside world would never believe if someone would have told them.  Raymond has a reputation in this city, warm hearted, dark eyed, tall muscular and slightly mysterious guy who gives to the poor and supports the homeless.  Everybody love and adores Raymond.  Nobody knows about the secrets and skeletons in his closet.  Nobody but me.

It first started out as what you can call a relatively normal relationship.  I was swayed by his perfection, I melted at the sound of his deep, manly voice and I went numb with delight at the feeling of his hands on my body.  My whole being lingered and cried out for his embrace and physical closeness.  When he made love to me I felt like I’m in heaven, I was like clay in his hands and I was bewitched by his tenderness.  My life with Raymond was a fairytale until that unforeseen tragic day.

Raymond never seemed like the type of guy who will commit to a steady relationship and I never assumed that he was the marriage and happy ending type.  But somehow I thought I could change that.  I accepted the fact that he doesn’t want to get married any day soon but the day I told him the news, the day I thought he would change his mind, my whole picture turned to grey.  I was pregnant with Raymond’s child.  As soon as I uttered the words his already dark eyes turned a shade darker and I saw something in his eyes I have never noticed before.  Raymond threatened to kill me if I don’t get rid of this child and I was overwhelmed with disbelieve.  My once loveable boyfriend turned into someone I didn’t know, it’s like some stranger took over his body that became abusive.  I tried to reason with him and out of the blue his fist connects my face and next thing I knew I was laying on the floor.  I just laid there hoping he will leave.  I didn’t respond or move a muscle; my head was clouded with fear for this man I truly love.  Eventually he left, leaving me on the floor in my own blood.

How can I kill my child, this innocent beautiful little human growing inside of me?  I made the decision not to kill this infant but try to reason with Raymond once more, I know he loves me, although he never said it, I just knew… or did I?  The same evening Raymond came home and as he drove into the driveway in front of our house I suddenly felt scared and unsafe in my own house.  My body shivered and I went pale, my pupils were dilated and I felt the adrenalin pumping through my veins. Why am I so scared of this man, just yesterday he was his loving self and now he’s an entirely different person, just because of the baby?  I know he loves me and he must be sorry because he left me a ton of messages on my cell apologizing for what happened earlier.

My thoughts were interrupted by his presence.  He looked down at me and I could smell the sweet alcohol in his breath.  My heart rose.  He asked me if I had any pain after the abortion and my whole body went stiff, I couldn’t move.  I hesitated and he sensed that I’m not telling him something.  Before I could say a word I felt his dangerously dark eyes burning into my pale skin.  I opened my mouth but I couldn’t manage to say anything and then I felt his hands on my shoulders, his fingers pushing through the first layer of my skin into my flesh.  He picked me up and threw me against the wall.  He walked over to me as I was lying on the ground crying silently not knowing what to expect.  I opened my eyes as he bends down and yelled at me.   He backed off a little as if to kick a rugby ball and my eyes filled with fear as he prepares to launch his foot into my stomach.  He kicked me again and again, the pain was so intense and I yelled at the top of my voice as the pain eased trough my entire body.  I felt a slight wetness between my legs and I smelled the familiar smell of blood making its way down to my thighs.  I was in excruciating pain and I couldn’t move.  The next moment I felt a rope around my neck blocking my airways as he started strangling me, I was to weak to fight back but with the last bit of life in me I tried to get him off me. I failed and my body went numb.  I couldn’t feel anything anymore as my brain began to block out the pain.  I heard him in the kitchen as I laid there bleeding, I heard him opening the drawer and walking towards me again.  I felt him stabbing me into my stomach with a knife over and over again draining me from the little bit of life left in my body.  If that wasn’t enough he took the knife and pushed it into me between my legs and ripped me part.  He took my nine week old fetus out of me and the thin tread that my life hung on snapped.

That night I died, without anyone knowing.  I was reported missing and the police couldn’t figure out what happened to me.  They closed my case because there was to many lose strings that didn’t make any sense.  If only I left him when I still had the chance…



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